Love Letter to My Life #54: Inching into Wonderland

(We know the day we were born, but most of us do not know the day we will die. This love letter to my life is written on the day I've designated as my death day: the 17th of every month, and reminds me to be grateful for my joy-filled life.  Joyce Wycoff) 

Inching into Wonderland

   At the end of 2021, my birthday post came as I was living in two RVs (summer on a Northern California Lake and winter in the mountains east of San Diego), I wrote:

   As 2021 winds down, I want to follow my own internal music, being in harmony and grateful for everything that comes my way, for all that I learn and create, for all the people I connect with, and all the ways I share what I’ve picked up along the way. I want to do more joyful things, feel more joy, share more joy, and help this beleaguered world heal its divisions by nurturing the joy surrounding us.

All of this brought me to my aspiration for 2022: 

Just for Joy

 The prior year, 2020, was a tumultuous year when I had moved and contemplated moving way too many times, my year end plea concluded:  Dear 2021 ... it would be perfectly fine with me if we made it through the year without moving. Just saying.

While I made it through 2021 without a move, unsurprisingly 2022 involved a major reshift-everything move. This time back to the place that calls itself "home." I would be happy to deem this my frog home ... where I'll be till I croak ... however, I've lived long enough to know that I'm not in control of my destiny so I'll just love it thoroughly as long as I can.

However, I do want to continue the pattern of setting an aspiration for the new year.

The end of 2022 comes with a new journey, a new adventure in the growing older part of life. It's not a grand scheme or a Guinness World Records book candidate, but it could be scary and require a bit of courage. A friend and I have embarked on The Hero's Journey of personal and spiritual growth. We have only the faintest idea what this means, but intend to follow our guide Joseph Campbell, and the map as much as possible. Therefore, my aspiration for 2023, as we follow The Hero's Journey path is to:

Inch into Wonderland

Here's a map we like and the movie that inspired this journey in case you feel inspired to begin your own journey.

More here.

Watch: Finding Joe

Art Gallery: Organics Collection

 

Beauty Survives

Most of my art begins with wandering. Walking through forests and parks, around neighborhoods or lagoons, or just anywhere where beauty lurks. Often what I find needs little more than a frame.

Sometimes though it wants to play and demands more attention.

Visiting Grace

Here is an interactive vignette of my Organics Collection. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Love Letter to My Life #53: I've decided to own my life

Catching sunset

(We know the day we were born, but most of us do not know the day we will die. This love letter to my life is written on the day I've designated as my death day: the 17th of every month, and reminds me to be grateful for my joy-filled life.  Joyce Wycoff)  

 I’ve decided to own my life.

To walk through my remaining years 
skipping this way and that. 
I’ve spent too long renting space, 
fearing eviction, 
following the arbitrary rules 
of a righteous landlord. 

And who is this would-be 
controller of my world? 
That’s a bit of a rub — 
I see him in my mirror, 
hear his voice in my head, 
feel the floor boards shutter 
as he stomps down the hall 
to demand his due. 

But, I’m no longer there. 
I’ve moved out, 
without notice … just gone
to that lovely cliff overlooking the sea, 
watching waves roll in, 
listening to the stories 
they bring from lands afar. 
Free to sit all day 
crocheting finger puppets 
and dancing to the tune 
of the shimmering lights. 

Join me if you like.
***

Seventeen days ago, there was a tremor, probably only a 3 on the Richter scale. Nothing fell off the walls; no new cracks in the sidewalk. But, something shifted. Somewhere near my breast bone, I felt a loosening, a lightness entering, ushering in the words above.

During a small retreat of about forty people, questions appeared, prompting new thoughts. Songs invited misinterpretations that turned into insights. Resistance morphed into wonderings.

Two words followed me home and asked for lodging. I couldn’t say “no” … they were so small and wanted nothing more than a place to rest.

The next day when I awoke, they had rearranged the furniture.

Gratitude Mojo: How can you boost your confidence?

What do you want to accomplish this week?

Is it a stretch for you?

If it is, you may need an extra dose of confidence.

Here's a magic formula:

Reflecting on your past successes boosts confidence;

confidence boosts energy and motivation;

energy and motivation boost life and success.

Period.

Recently CampReinvention.com caught my attention with their tagline: Because your age is just a number. They help women over 50 reinvent their lives and I loved this quote about how our brains work:

When you’re reinventing, there are three important things to remember about your brain:

1. It has a negativity bias

2. It seeks evidence

3. It makes up stories

That may sound daunting, but it actually contains the keys to greater success if we understand how to work with our brains rather than against them.

For more about how to boost your confidence,

please go to

 GratitudeMojo.substack.com

and don't forget to subscribe (it's free) 

so you don't miss future posts on how gratitude

can guide you to a better life.

Sweet Peace #44: Saved by Stickers

Sweet Peace began in January of this year as a 52-week commitment to finding peace with food and body and has gradually expanded to include all aspects of my life. 

Along with it came a small, black journal. I have never been good at journaling and trailing behind me is a long line of unsatisfactory, half-filled journals of various sizes and shapes. 

However, here I was, trying again, filling the early pages with diary entries about food, energy, slips and successes, and starting overs. Boring!

Heart stickers were my first breakthrough. Putting one on a page somehow changed the writing, invited feeling words. Of course, at the same time, I was using the Gratitude Mojo journal, practicing gratitude, answering questions, stretching in new ways. However, it was in this small, black journal that the stickers screamed to life. Soon they were all over the pages.

Next came colored markers for highlighting, color coding, doodling. Suddenly, the journal was safe and journaling was fun. I began to play and even think of my journal as a friend, a friend who listened to whatever I wanted to say, without judgment.

I believe in the past 43 weeks I have truly become a journaler and it is bringing me peace.

Below is a page from a day when I needed a sticker break.

NOTE:  Sweet Peace will be moving to my Substack newsletter soon.

It will still be free and you can subscribe at https://gratitudemojo.substack.com/about.

Love Letter to My Life #52: Pollyanna Skeptic in the Laundry Room

Found on campus

(We know the day we were born, but most of us do not know the day we will die. This love letter to my life is written on the day I've designated as my death day: the 17th of every month, and reminds me to be grateful for my joy-filled life.  Joyce Wycoff)    

Occasionally, there is a golden moment when a major project begins to wind down and no other project stands in line demanding attention. It is a sweetly quiet time where possibility stretches to the far horizon and idea waves break gently on the shore. 

Small tasks have moved forward slowly on a long turned-off conveyor belt of shoulds. The printer is finally unboxed, the in-basket of bills and trivia are filed or tossed, the dust-bunnies routed from under the bed, and, yesterday morning, the overdue laundry finally advanced to the laundry room.

It was quiet there, only one other person who seemed as loathe to break the morning silence as I. After pushing all the buttons to start the machinery, I sat down with coffee and journal and began to pick up threads from times gone by. Ideas that came and went; people once here and now not; plans, big and small, some done, some dropped.

In the midst of this quiet reflection, a question plopped into the pool: Why are we here? Followed by: What’s next? Not in the sense of what’s my next project, but in what’s next after this life? I thought about that a lot when I was a kid and concluded that heaven was a good idea although it sounded a bit boring floating around on a cloud, singing hosannahs.

As a lonely, only child, I was attracted to church even though my immediate family did not attend; that’s where the kids were. At a tent revival meeting, I heard a preacher say something that has stuck with me all these years: science and religion are not in conflict; it’s only the interpretation of them that differs. 

Over time, I’ve remained fascinated by the relationship of science and spirituality, however, the question of afterlife slipped to the back of the line, deemed unknowable and not important for now, hovering for some quiet moment in the future. Apparently that moment was yesterday, when nothing else was clamoring for attention. And, as books are wont to do, one showed up just this week: new but waving a flag from before. An update on a story unfinished.

In 2008, a neurosurgeon was struck by a bacterial brain infection and, within hours, was in a deep coma, where he stayed for a week before making a complete recovery. He returned with a tale of a stunning and baffling journey. Dr. Eben Alexander described his story in his best-selling book: Proof of Heaven: a Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife.

The story captivated me with its compelling description and promise of unconditional, universal love, and the interconnection of all life. I wound up filing it on the “I wonder?” shelf. Now he’s back with another book with a high-powered array of scientific-sounding cover quotes. So, I plunged into Living in a Mindful Universe, a Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Heart of Consciousness with great hope and anticipation.

Since science hasn’t been able to find a fixed location in the brain for either memory or consciousness, both have been handed off to the less definable category of “mind,” where, of course, things are much fuzzier. Alexander’s journey is an example of walking on the fuzzy side, a beautiful and hopeful side. 

I watched a couple of YouTubes which present the same story with tones of awe and wonder, and then pulled myself into amazon reviews, hoping for more confirmation. I start with the 1-star reviews, as usual, expecting the standard fare of irrelevant issues and sour grapes. Instead, I find serious debunking. Moving to the 5s, I find serious rhapsodies, most pointing to his credibility as a neurosurgeon, a man of science. 

The debunking reviews led me to an Esquire story by Luke Dittrich titled “The Prophet,” (link below) which is where the whole tale fell apart. With the amazon reviews, I began to question the story; with the Esquire story, I began to question myself. 

What I learned about myself through this brief journey was that I have a marked bias toward the positive. I want to believe in goodness and miracles (the everyday type), and that we live in a beneficent Universe. I hold onto these beliefs in good times and challenging ones and believe that, overall, they make my life better. 

Fortunately, I also believe firmly in science and truth and the process of looking into things which seem too good to be true. I want to share and spread good news, but only if it’s true, even if only experientially by a reliable source. 

Perhaps I am a Pollyanna Skeptic.

The Esquire article: https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/interviews/a23248/the-prophet/

Sweet Peace #43: Results of Low Carb Trial and Another Possibility

I want all of these.

NOTE: This series about finding peace with food and body ... as well as life and spirit ... is moving. This will be the last post here on this blog ... next week it will post to my newsletter on Substack. It will still be free and you can subscribe at https://gratitudemojo.substack.com/about.

    The Wisdom School of Facebook counsels us this morning in words from Joseph Campbell:

“Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. 

At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' 

It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will find strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. 

What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.” 

    Seems like wise advice. If my genetics had not put me on this path of trying to resist the tendency toward diabetes, I would not have learned as much about health as I have. I've  monitored my blood sugar for almost 30 years and it has been a far from perfect path, however, it has been a path and I am healthier for it.

The results of the 30 days of Low Carb Challenge are in. 

    While my adherence was not perfect, it was as perfect as I’ll ever get. I tracked net carbs every day and five days were over 22 grams, with the high being one day of 36, still pretty reasonable. However, the results weren’t worth the effort involved.

    Testing showed I was in mild ketosis after the first five days and yet I still had 13 days with blood glucose above 110. The last week's trend showed some promise with 4 days under 100 indicating that continuing might have some benefits. Weight bounced around but wound up exactly where I started.

    The problem was the food. I primarily prefer plant-based foods and protein was an issue. Normally, beans are a significant protein source for me; however, on low-carb, beans are ruled out. Keto is interesting because it leans heavily on eggs and cheese, two foods I enjoy; however, with veggies in such limited quantities, those foods lost their appeal. (The day that I found out a yellow pepper was 8 carbs (over a third on my daily allotment), was a dark day food wise.)

    I was trying to decide whether to continue for another 30 days when another possibility appeared: a combined focus on fiber and intermittent fasting, which, reportedly, also creates ketones. So, I’m off to contemplate another challenge or opportunity, as Joseph Campbell calls it. 

    More next week.

Sweet Peace #42: When does the caterpillar know it is something new?

New newsletter - details at end

    I have spent my life being a bad journaler. I could blame my mother, but then she gets too much blame for too many things. It was my own fear of her reaction that made me write in code in my tiny, lockable, 5-year journal. I knew the lock wouldn’t keep her out; I didn’t realize how much it kept me out, since I couldn’t decipher my own code.

    I am older now … much older … still slowly releasing that fear of speaking truth to myself, being found out, perceiving my thoughts and life path as too uninteresting to put into words, on paper. That self-doubt and belief in my unworthiness as a life witness left behind me a broken path littered with journal starts and stops.

    Something has changed. Somewhere along the twisting path of the last three years since I suddenly left Mexico, a place I intended to live forever, in a country I loved and enjoyed exploring, where I had already established permanent residency, I changed.

    In the summer of 2019, on a typical morning walk while visiting family in Reno, where I had never lived, confusing tears began to drip. As I searched for why, the only answer that came was, “I want to come home.” While I didn't understand why, I knew it was a demand not an invitation, and within three weeks I was moving into an RV on the banks of the Truckee River in Reno.

    The artsy quirkiness of Reno and spending time with family delighted me. However, the journey demanded more change, leading me to two years spent in two RVs, one on the stunning Lake Almanor in Northern California and one in a peaceful oak woodland in the mountains east of Julian. I now look back on that time as a cocoon where I gestated, turning into an imaginal goo unknowingly morphing into a different being.

    It almost makes me laugh: when I emerged, I brought with me a journal, a journal co-created with a life-long friend, a journal of self-discovery based on gratitude, a journal that offered a safe place to explore myself as well as an endless supply of courage and inspiration from over two hundred wisdom keepers.

    When I moved to Santa Barbara, it seemed as though the journey was complete, that I was on the shores of home with gentle waves washing the sands at my feet. Interesting that someone can spend her whole life missing the point. The waves never end and sometimes they are less than gentle.

    This past weekend, a dear friend invited me to a retreat at her church. It’s not an environment I feel comfortable in, but I wanted to have the experience with her. So I went, arguing with my resistance the whole time, forcing myself to explore the edges and open the door to new thinking. 

    Lo and behold! I brought home gifts which I’m still unwrapping. The word that seems to be attached to this bright package reads: Heartfulness. For this in-my-head person, this was a jolt and I have a sense that this is part of that “coming home" message; however, it’s going to take more time to glean the insights.

    In the meantime, this is Day 25 of the 30-day, Low Carb Challenge which continues with less than spectacular results but with continued motivation for better health. I know this is a long-haul process.

About Sweet peace:

Opening page of Sweet Peace journal

    The Sweet Peace journal was begun with the commitment to write a post every Tuesday for a year focused on finding peace with food and my body. Gradually, that focus has expanded to finding peace within myself and my life.

    With this 42nd post, Sweet Peace will become a part of my free newsletter on Substack and will no longer appear on this blog. Why? The main reason is that Substack creates more of a community and makes commenting easier. I live a relatively solitary life and hearing from readers, you, brings me connection and wisdom ... the purposes I noted on the opening page of Sweet Peace, which is where all of these writings begin ... and, fortunately, not in code.

    Hearing from you also brings me joy and hope that, together, we might create more peace in our world. If you're interested in the journaling journey toward inner peace, please join me at https://gratitudemojo.substack.com/s/sweet-peace.

Sweet Peace #41: Looking for answers

 

Looking for answers

Sunday aha. I have been doing this challenge in the same manner I used to do diets … seeing how much I could get away with. The keto “aids” I touted last report have turned into a lurking snack attack. I’ve managed to barely eke under the wire on carbs so I’m still in the challenge; however “barely” is the operative word. Somehow, I forgot this was about health and turned it into a cat-and-mouse challenge of seeing how I could game the system.

Enough already.

In an attempt to get away from keto junk food, I bought a colorful 6-pack of Costco bell peppers. Turns out, yellow and orange peppers have twice as many carbs as green bell peppers: 8 versus 4. Red ones split the difference at 6. Guess which are my favorites?

So, as far as carbs go, 1 orange bell pepper is the same as 16 keto bombs. However, there is a 920 calorie difference! Keto isn’t about counting calories but that doesn’t mean that calories don’t count! And, while I would never eat 16 bombs (she says, wondering if …); that would be 88 grams of fat versus the sweet little pepper’s zero.

I also bought a bag of avocados and find that 1/2 is satisfying. Compared to a snack attack of parmesan cheese crips (19 = 1g of carbs, 13g protein, 10g fat for 150 calories), one-half of an avocado is 3g of carbs, 3g of protein, 15g of fat for 182 calories … plus 9g of fiber. While that makes the crisps sound like a not bad deal, they are highly processed and feel like a cheat instead of a healthy food and it’s much easier to eat crisps mindlessly.

Somewhere, I find a guiding idea: 

Carbs are a limit.

Protein is a goal.

Fat is a hunger lever.

After analyzing my data for the first 17 days, it’s clear that carb intake on one day directly affects the blood glucose reading the next morning. My carb limit needs to be taken down a step if I want to get my glucose readings into the ideal zone.

Metrics: Ketosis .2; blood glucose: 8 days over 110, 3 days under 100, weight loss: 0. Energy good, sleep excellent, dreams exceptional, motivation wavering but recharged.

Sweet Peace #40: Low Carb Report

Read comments first

This is Day 11 of the 30-day challenge and I’m finding it’s not as easy nor as dramatic as I had hoped … nor as difficult as I thought it was the first two times I tried it years ago. I believe doing the 66-day sugar fast eliminated some of the carb cravings that I’ve had before. While I hadn't been in ketosis, I was already focusing on a lower carb eating range.

So far, my energy has been a little low but seems to be coming back to normal range. Sleep seems about the same with a greater number of significantly interesting dreams.

Blood Glucose: Biggest disappointment so far is that my blood glucose hasn’t changed … still fluctuating around 110. I was sure it would drop dramatically since I’m doing no sugar and maintaining about 22 grams of carbs per day. I’m beginning to worry that I might need to drop the carbs even lower.

Weight: Dropped four pounds quickly and two have come back. This isn’t the main reason for doing this challenge, but I had hopes of seeing more response.

Ketosis: It took almost 8 days to get into ketosis and I’m at 0.5, the beginning of the hallmark of nutritional ketosis that runs from 0.5 to 3 mg/dL. I’m hoping that getting into the higher levels will show a drop in blood glucose and weight. However, the main goal is to stay within the macros set by Carb Manager, the app I'm using to track what I'm eating.

Hunger: I am seldom hungry and almost never “craving hungry.” Keto is so big right now that there are several aids for those gnoshy moments. Three shown below.

App: Carb Manager is a great help for tracking. During the 30-day challenge, my determinant of success is tracking every day and not going over 30 carbs in any one day. Carb Manager is easy to use and I have created some foods that I eat regularly so I don’t have to enter the individual ingredients. They also run 4-week challenges and I’ve just started one of those to see how it affects my motivation.

What I’m missing: I eat in a cafeteria which is definitely not aligned to this nutritional program. They do have a good salad bar with cottage cheese and sunflower seeds, so that is a staple that I can supplement with some egg-and-cheese-based concoctions I make in my room.

However, before this challenge, my Sunday morning treat was bacon and cream of wheat with peanut butter and jam. Fortunately, bacon made the cut. 

I miss fruit. Assuming I get my blood glucose under control, I’m hoping I will be able to add back a reasonable amount of fruit in the future.

All in all, I think this is the right path to be on and am definitely willing to continue to the 30-day mark. Then I will have another round of laboratory tests to see if there is progress from the last one.

Plus:

Ketosis Monitoring … all reports recommend monitoring ketones by blood monitors versus urine strips. However, the monitors and test strips are relatively expensive so I am opting for urine testing on a daily basis and blood testing on a weekly basis.

A year or so ago, I was thinking about going low carb, so I bought a Keto Mojo ketone monitor. I didn’t do a good job of shopping since I already had a blood glucose monitor. What truly disappointed me was that the strips are individually packaged and a pain to open. And there were only ten of them and replacement strips were $1 per strip. 

I’ve just ordered a cheaper version in order to do the weekly monitoring.

Keto Snacks: There are a lot of keto stuff on the market, some of which is not all that good nor good for you. One of my criteria is taste … must be good enough to fill a craving but not so good as to trigger a binge. It’s a narrow window. Here are three things that are working:

Keto Bombs: dark chocolate and nuts, two squares are 1 net carb. Great way to end the day, although this morning, it was a great way to end breakfast! All things in moderation, she says to herself.

Whisps: small round parmesan crackers, 19 (a lot!) are 1 net carb. These are crunchy and very good.

Kind protein bars: good … too good. 1 bar is 13 net carbs, which blows a big hole in a day’s carbs macro. Cutting it in half would be a reasonable thing to do. I’ve yet to manage reasonable. Available for emergencies only.