Today as I do the wash, make breakfast, and prepare for the delivery of some patio furniture, I have a sudden sense of playing house. However, it’s not playing house in the idea of doing something imaginary or not real.
This is very real, and pretty normal … Missy’s on the back of the couch, looking out the window, protecting us from intruders, email pings occasionally and Facebook streams the latest incomprehensible actions of the world. These things happen wherever I go.
This feeling of playing house is more about playing than the latest move. I’ve moved a lot even though this is the first out of country move. This is an almost giddy … free ... feeling. Perhaps it comes from what I’ve let go of … the responsibility of owning a home, driving a car, the mountain of stuff that called me to appreciate it, dust it, learn to play it or use it more effectively, honor it. Perhaps it’s the rolling away of expectations to be something … a loving friend or family member, a responsible home owner/neighbor, an informed citizen, a writer, an artist, … an adult. A tangled ball of “shoulds” seems to have been lifted from my life, leaving me with an almost equally confusing tangle of choices.
This feeling of playing house is somewhat like a surprise package wrapped in a bright, red bow. Untying the bow with anticipation, I find a note that says:
Here’s everything you need to create a new life … time, energy, health, financial security, all fueled by curiosity and caring about the world. Make it what you want it to be. Explore new worlds … or not. Write a crazy book that no one will read … or not. Develop a new art style … or not. Gather stories and friends … or not. Recreate your old life in a new place … or try on a new life and look in a mirror to see what appears.
If I’m playing house, I can try any or all … or none of these things. I can wander aimlessly … or find a purpose that makes my heart sing. I can do … or I can be … or I can harmonize them into a tune.
I can even sit here navel gazing with words while the birds sing. Perhaps they are doing the same thing in a different language.
Ah Joyce, Ajijic has grabbed your heart and soul and you are settling in and becoming a true expat, a SOBer, a more relaxed, it-really-doesn't-affect-me type person who can just let it all go and live a more peaceful, enjoyable life. Welcome to Mexico.
ReplyDeleteRe ... true! Not sure it's limited to Ajijic but I definitely love my new home.
ReplyDeleteAhh, the wonder of lightning the load or as Janis Joplin sang, "Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose".
ReplyDeleteI LOVE being here where I don't even have to know what is going on anywhere in the world! So different from the previous hectic life.
Watch out, you'll become so "in the moment" that when someone wants a commitment two or three weeks from now, you'll come to a screeching halt. You'll contemplate whether you even want to commit that for out! Enjoy.
Barbara ... I think you're right. I just put furniture on my patio. If someone would deliver food, I might never leave. Thanks for being such an inspiring role model.
ReplyDeleteYou have entered this latest transition with grace and beauty, insight and profound clarity. Thank you for taking us along on your exploration. I'm loving the journey!
ReplyDeleteHola Becky ... please put this part of Mexico on your travel possibilities. It would be so fun to reconnect!
DeleteOne nice thing with traveling now, one does not feel isolated away from friends. I remember traveling and telling family the areas I would be in or not, and would call if need be. Now, one can take their friends along on the journey and share. So fun for us that might not want to, or cannot travel far.. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteVivian ... how true. One never feels completely alone in today's world. It's nice to feel the web connecting me to you and others around the world. many hugs.
ReplyDeleteThis is the life I am headed for (and Ajijic is where I am headed)in October, even September, if I can pull it off! I feel like I just can't wait, and would like to chuck it all and leave next week, but in all honesty, I have miles to go before I sleep - in the form of so much still to be done here, to be able to really let go, and step into that freedom. This post gave me a lot of hope, Joyce! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteKathleen ... I understand the impatience but things seem to take as long as they take. If I can be of any help on this end, just let me know. And, thanks for your lovely comment.
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