Starting in Kansas

Refection in Mesilla, Las Cruces, NM

You’re in Kansas … perhaps you’re in a tiny town just outside a slightly less tiny town … and you want to go somewhere and see new things and make new friends. People around you say, “Go for it!” … well some of them say, “What?!” or “Do be careful!” 

You’re encouraged though, so you pack your bags and head out. Adventure ahead. Before long, however, you realize you don’t know where you’re going or how you’re going to get there. You’re not even sure you know where you want to go. However, people keep saying, “Just keep going. You’ll get there. Don’t be afraid.” Just keep going … so you do … you just keep going.

Soon though, you’re tired … and discouraged. You haven’t gotten very far and things don’t look so very different from where you began. You slump down on a rock. Suddenly, some guy flashes by carrying a sign that says, “I got there in 3 months!” You're confused and shocked … but then someone else hurries by with a sign that boldly shouts, “Ha! It only took me 3 weeks!” And, before you could even grasp that, you see a woman on a skateboard wearing a colorful t-shirt proclaiming: “Thin thighs in 30 days!"

Your head is spinning and you’re too dizzy to even stand up, let alone chase after them. You just want to sleep … maybe back in your own little bed, in your own little house, in your own little town outside the slightly bigger town.

 

*****

 

It has taken me three months to realize that I packed my bags and launched my journey without really knowing where I wanted to go or how to get there. And, I don’t think that’s all that unusual … we often find ourselves drawn to something without knowing exactly why or what for. For me, I find that I almost always have to learn as I go, one step at a time until one day, I wake up and can say … “That’s where I want to go and here’s the road map that will get me there."

This morning was that day … two days before I’m about to leave, I finally discover what I wish I had known when I began. Perhaps that’s just the way these things are … if someone had handed me a road map three months ago, would I have followed it? … could I have? I don’t know … but now I feel like I have the tools and the information I need to create a road map for myself … and, perhaps … just perhaps … one that will be useful for others.

Part of me wishes I could roll back the calendar and start over … the other part of me knows that can’t be done but that I can use the understanding gained in the past three months to now choose a destination and plot the journey to getting there … not that there won’t be side trips and rabbit holes along the way … what would a journey be without them? 

 

No more forced marches for me.