Lesson by 2x4

Do you ever replay old events and conversations in your head?  Probably most of us do.  On my walk this morning, I was replaying the end of a relationship.  There were many contributing issues to the demise of this relationship but probably the main one was money.  In my head, the conversation was going ... you could have had me but you chose money ... then the 2x4 hit.

Recently I launched a new project ... PhotoLarks:  San Diego.  I think it's a good project that would offer people an insider's view of a beautiful part of the country and help them take better photos of their experience.  I also think it's potentially very commercial.  When I look at my financial future, I see a gap between what I have and what I'll need, assuming life stretches on for awhile.  Even though PhotoLarks is a creative project and could be fun, a major lure was the money.  

Realistically it is also a marketing project and would take a lot of time and effort ... that means taking time away from making art.  I had rationalized that I could balance both.  However, since I spend most of my days on mosaic, digital collage or writing, it was a stretch to get to that rationalization.  What I heard in my head when the 2x4 hit was "Art" saying ... you could have had me but you chose money.  OMG.

Stunned, I suddenly realized it was a choice ... art or money.  Right now, art shows no signs of filling the gap so I can find other ways to make money ... or I can choose art and trust that somewhere along the way money will show up, hoping that the advice to follow your bliss and the money will show up is true.   Money has never been my bliss but art is so my only real choice is to follow it wherever it leads me.  

PhotoLarks was a diversion and it took a 2x4 to wake me up.  Since it looks like the Kickstarter effort has little chance of succeeding, it seems like the Universe agrees that this was not the way to go.  It reminds me once again to focus on what brings me joy.