Emerging from Our Own Definitions

One of the first poems I wrote began:

I am a practical person ... I don’t write poetry.

     Several years of torrential poetry writing followed the writing of that line.

A few weeks ago, I began writing more definitions of myself that I had outlived, beginning again with that line about poetry.

I am a practical person ... I don’t write poetry.

I am an accountant ... I don’t do art.

I am a business person ... I don’t experience miracles.

By this writing, I was no longer an accountant and my own art was on every wall in my house and in two galleries.  I still considered myself a business person and was in the process of creating a new business venture, but I had also experienced miracles that amazed, baffled and delighted me.

Sitting on a cruise ship on our last leg back to Los Angeles, I decided to continue with more current beliefs about myself.  I had outlived other definitions, maybe there were more definitions running around in my psyche that I needed to let go of and grow beyond.

I am a practical person ... I don’t have spiritual experiences.

I was born a poor person ... I will never have great abundance.

I am a widow ... I will never again have the joy of intimacy and unconditional love.

I am a senior widow ... I don’t matter.

I am going to die ... how I live doesn’t matter.

I am not talented musically ... I can’t play the hammered dulcimer.

I don’t have much money ... I can’t afford to do everything I want.

As I ended this session, a little voice welled up within me and shouted, “Oh, yeah?!”  

And I smiled as I realized that w

e define ourselves too narrowly.  I’ve seen my own definitions of myself come and go.  It starts to make me wonder if I … or any of us … truly understand our potential.  How many layers can we uncover in the time we are given in this life?  Probably fewer than are actually there.  We are always emerging.