Cynthia Carlisle, lover of laughter and learning

 When I last visited Paris, I went on a gourmet food tour and we stopped at a fabulous chocolate shop for samples. The renowned chocolatier asked each of us where we grew up until we were six. From that he said he could predict our favorite taste in chocolate as an adult. I explained that I had lived in 5 states by the time I was six and he thought I didn’t understand the question and I assured him I answered accurately. I lived in the midwest, northwest, southeast and the Deep South in that short time. 

While the frequent moves didn’t seem to influence my taste in chocolate it did impact lots of other things. My early years were without doting grandparents, loving, attentive aunts and uncles, cousin playmates or even friends.  We were isolated in many ways from our constant moves and there was no sense of permanency or home for many years to come. The moves continued until my college years albeit not as frequently. Being left to rely on my family presented other challenges. Turns out that I didn’t view the world the same as they did, they were all sensors while I was highly intuitive so we saw and experienced the world very differently. It was just another layer of isolation. Fortunately, I am self-reliant to the core and thankfully have an unexplained sense of confidence.

My father really valued learning and taught me to read, write, play chess and even speak a little German before I began school. My mother was an interesting amalgamation of a woman that never got over being abandoned by her parents, a high need to belong, a fun and curious spirit, a Southern Baptist converted to Catholicism and an unbridled desire for control. All I knew is that I couldn’t wait to leave home for college and I only visited my family after I started college. Thankfully I made my peace with both my parents well before they died.

Strangely enough at a young age I knew my best route, alas, I was deterred. I loved college and took the maximum load every semester and went to school year round.  Art, psychology, social work, and creative writing all enthralled me. I was in my element. Things really changed after what I thought would be a short detour in grad school studying business after working for a year as a Social Worker. Turns out I had skills that I didn’t know about that unfolded into a BBA, MBA, CPA and almost twenty years as a Tax Director for oil companies. Because of my liberal arts background I did not view business issues in the same way as others. It turned out to be a very valuable attribute and frankly my employers often put up with me because of what I was able to accomplish.

At age 19 I got married and it lasted just short of 10 years, through most of college and my early career. It wasn’t a great or even good marriage and now it is so long ago, it seems like it didn’t happen at all. There were significant others over the years, but nothing ever worked out. Aside from being married, going to school full time and working to pay my way through, I was active in the early years of the Women’s Movement and actively protested the Vietnam War. Those early years of activism have stayed with me often informing my current activism.

My life plans didn’t go as I had hoped so I decided to go back to grad school and get a Masters in Organization Development commuting to Washington DC for two years. Finishing up my fourth degree close to my mid-40s and starting my third career, as a management consultant, was the new plan. About this time I got involved with the Innovation Network and met many like-minded spirits. I even opened a wonderful creative meeting facility “Innovation Space…a playground for the brain”. I had it for 3 years and learned a lot and truly loved my work there. 

Fashioning a new career with my Masters in OD, It seemed like I was back on track and then my father died and two years later my mother died unexpectedly and tragically following plastic surgery. Watching her die was a mind-bending experience. Taking her off life support while she slowly died over the next couple of weeks, looking younger every day before she passed was a cruel outcome. At the time I thought it would be the worst thing I would ever experience. As life teaches us all, there is always the chance of more to come. About five years later my sister, thirteen months my senior, had a massive stroke causing the loss of half her brain. It was so much worse in incomprehensible ways. Without planning to do it, I became her guardian in legal and health care matters and her caretaker a good bit of the time. She lived for nine years (mostly in nursing homes) without being able to walk, talk or care for herself. It was torture until her final breath. I had just started career number four as a Realtor weeks earlier.

Throughout my life I have been able to find humor in almost every experience and use it as my way to recharge, refocus and rejuvenate. Having delivered many eulogies over the years, I always try to incorporate humor as a key element.  It’s always there if you look for it. A love of humor was a gift from my family and I cherish it. 

I look at life as a series of challenges and learnings. The latest challenge I face is that of health amplified by age. Turns out I had scoliosis from a very young age but wasn’t diagnosed until around thirty. At the time there was nothing that could be done medically. I back burnered it for decades until I started feeling more pain and noticed I was shrinking at warp speed. Upon my first visit with a noted spine surgeon I was diagnosed with collapsing spine syndrome and a multitude of serious spine issues, and found surgery was necessary. I was losing an inch every six months. It was startling to understand that I was supposed to be 7 inches taller if I my back was straight. Instead of obsessing on what could have been, I tried to focus on what could be. My spinal fusion required two massive spine surgeries and lots of time to recoup. I now walk around with a totally fused spine, 3 titanium rods, 37 screws and 4 cages and bummer I am no taller, go figure. The rebuilding of my back taught me a lot about myself, vulnerability and the need for help from others. My friends were really there for me through it all.

So here I am, a successful Realtor, stager and interior decorator circling back to those early years when I envisioned myself as an artist and writer with a love for psychology.